I had dinner with a friend last night that retired a year ago. John hadn’t thought about retiring at age 58, but as things got less enjoyable at work, he looked at his finances and decided he could afford to retire. Like so many people, he was rather at loose ends for the first few months of his retirement. When we’d meet we’d talk about things he could do. But it was hard for him because work had been his whole life. We had discussed a number of options, like engaging in some artistic activities that interested him, volunteer work for a favorite charity or returning to work part-time as a contractor.
Last night he said he felt like his brain was turning to mush – he had to do something! I’ve heard that before from people who have retired, they feel less “sharp” and it scares them. Sometimes this is what it takes to “jump start” them into something new. It’s true that what they need is an intellectually stimulating activity. John has made some progress in his quest for a life after working. He is starting his own business so he can do some contract work part time. He has talked about taking a foreign trip with an old friend and I hope he does it. I think that’s a good start, but I hope his retirement doesn’t become like his work life, where it was all work and no life. Balance can be as hard to find in retirement as it is while you’re working.
I have another friend who retired in her mid-50s. Bobbie had hoped for an early retirement offer, but when it came, it was sort of a shock. There had been no forewarning and she had a mere three days to decide. She opted to retire. After a few months of catching up on her sleep, as she put it, she volunteered for the local Red Cross. She helped them develop a new training program, and when that work was finished after a few years, she decided to move on to something else. She always had artistic interests, and started a Masters of Fine Arts program that allowed her to further develop her artistic interests. She finished her art program several years ago, but continued to show her art at various exhibitions.
We have lunch about once a month, and I’m always glad to see her and hear about what she is doing. She has always enjoyed traveling and takes a couple of “big trips” each year. When I saw her a couple of weeks ago, she told me she has decided to stop participating in formal art shows. She continues her work, and has a gallery that displays and sells her work, but there is no pressure for deadlines or a particular type of work. She can create what she wants.
Bobbie has been retired now for almost 20 years. When I look at the pattern of her retirement, it strikes me that she took on lots of projects at the start of her retirement. As time has gone on, she shed some of those, and became more deeply involved in others. I would say she’s had a very successful retirement so far. She’s done many things she didn’t have time for while she was working. She has also found new friends and new interests.
John has just started his retirement journey. He’s still looking for his path. I hope that as time goes on he will find the right balance of activities for him.
It takes time to find your path in retirement. Your really can’t follow anyone else’s path, you have to find your own. There may be false starts and dead ends but if you can enjoy the journey, you’ll find your way.
Contributed by guest writer Kathie G. Larsen, Ph.D.
Kathie is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Seattle, Washington.
