But What Now?

And restless days, for that matter. I wonder if when I actually retire from my job if I will be able to tame the restlessness inside of myself.

I wake up in the morning with job thoughts racing through my head. Thoughts of being not finished with a project, not having made the right connections with people on my team, not doing something right, too much to do and no way to get it finished, and worse of all, not wanting to get up and do any of it.

Maybe the first thing I need to do when I retire is to go on a meditation retreat for about a month. Oh, it would be painful in the first few days and maybe even for the whole month.

With this kind of goal in mind, it would be best if I began practicing meditation regularly now. I have gone through periods of time where I have sat for at least one or two 10-20 minute sessions per day. They always felt right and good. So why am I having such a difficult time sitting now?

Instead I spend most of my free time playing computer games and getting restless and frustrated when I continually lose or have to beat the clock on whatever I’m playing. There are people who have so many tokens, I wonder if that’s all they do. Maybe it’s better than watching TV all day and night, but what’s the difference really? Ok, hand eye coordination development much better playing games.

Aaaach. Life need not be so hard. No thoughts. Good vibrations. Peace.