Shame is so debilitating. Shame stunts our growth. Shame takes us backwards. Shame is counter-productive to achieving any goal.
So, why, as such an enlightened human being, am I so ashamed of being a size 18?
It’s funny, I remember when I was in high school (69-72) when there were predictions that people would morph into beings with big bodies and little heads – or maybe it was the other way around – because we would stop using our bodies as we just sat in front of a computer all day long. The really weird part about this is that I (and most people) didn’t start sitting in front of a computer for hours on end until at least 15 years later. So what a strange premonition that was.
Fast forward to now and it’s all over the news that we’re all fat. Except it’s not true that ALL of us are fat. A lot of the people we work with aren’t fat, so when we go to work we (who are “fat”) feel really ashamed of being fat. Yikes.
I am one of those people who has lost weight and then regained it all and then some 3 times. It’s extremely frustrating and discouraging to go through this. I’m hot and them I’m NOT.
What a way to live! Not really.
I know how to work out, I know how to count calories, I know how to read labels, I know how to count carbs, etc., etc.
So, why did I gain weight again? Probably because I keep changing my eating habits to fit in. Because I keep going on diets that work for a little while, but aren’t realistic. Because I’m ashamed of myself and I’m beating myself up for being human???
I’m fairly certain that my body is confused. I feel stuffed after eating a salad sometimes. Something’s wrong with that. It’s like I don’t know what to eat, or do I? It can feel horribly confusing. I don’t want to hate myself and I don’t want to hate eating.
I feel healthy, as far as I know I am very healthy. I know I can lose the weight, but will I keep it off? How much should I weigh? How much of my self-esteem should be tied up in my weight? Is it right to shame people because they are overweight? My answer is a resounding no. It’s not helpful, in fact it’s terribly harmful.
So, here I am. Losing weight takes time and the path is a daily choice, one foot in front of the other. For now on. It seems like some of us gain weight just by looking at a bowl of ice cream and others never struggle with it. I don’t know why. If I did I’d be wealthy beyond my wildest dreams.
All I know right now is that I will not shame myself about the size I am since that won’t help and feeling bad about myself just adds insult to injury.
Anyway… nothing happens overnight, especially weight loss. I’m at my worst when traveling for business. So, I’m human, I do what I can and I will get there. I’m not worried about it. Worry and shame will kill me much faster than being overweight. And it won’t help me to ever achieve real, lasting goals.
