I spend my days doing a job that feels like it is taking me away from who I really am and what I really want to do. I feel closer to my source today, and I know that I am getting close to being in a situation (i.e., my life!) where I can choose what I do everyday no longer dependent upon receiving a paycheck.
Work is challenging me to stay focused and to stay committed even when I no longer have any desire to be there. On the other hand I feel very fortunate to work with so many fine people and most are very helpful under especially stressful circumstances. I feel grateful for them every day, that is when I don’t feel annoyed with them.
In this last year of working at a job, I am taking classes that are starting me on the path of a new direction. I have barely begun and already I feel as though I now have 2 full time jobs, the one providing me with a paycheck and the other one that I want to fully immerse myself in now, but can’t entirely because there are only so many hours in the day.
Every day I am moving closer to being where I really choose to be, mindfully and with great joyfulness and excitement, albeit exhaustion some days! And impatience others. But time stops for no one and the river continues to flow and I continue to flow with it and I’ll get there. And I know that when I get there, I’ll have other desires leading me in other directions because that’s really how it’s always been, hasn’t it?
1 response so far ↓
1 Minerva // Jan 16, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I feel that way cleaning my new apartment, lol. It is not that I dislike all manual labor: I like gardening, paddling (that can be a very hard work), even doing launry (providing it is outdoors) or - occassionally - preparing meals. But if cleaning needs to be done I usually cringe… and hire someone more competent. I will do it here, too. I came to Puerto Rico to have fun working at what I am good at and like doing, came to work in retirement, while they have a recession and about 14% unemployment. So I feel a bit guilty, even though by working I create jobs for Puerto Ricans - both directly and indirectly.
But what better way to quell my guilt feeling than to hire someone to clean for me? I’ll do it soon… but right now guests are coming and I have no time to interview any maids… so I think I know how you feel
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